Each person strives to ensure that family relationships are almost perfect. The Lord himself also bequeathed that the family always develop and give joy to each of the couple. Man and woman are two integral parts of a whole. The woman was created in order to maintain peace and well-being. The man was originally intended to provide material resources for his entire family. And only in a harmonious life tandem, a couple can raise and educate children and everyone can experience great happiness.

However, over the years, feelings go away, and life cracks. In order to preserve the family and at the same time enjoy life, a number of rules and traditions have been created that will help strengthen relationships and re-give primary feelings. However, these are just tips that you can use or just skip past. You yourself create your own life and decide whether you will be happy or not.

The most important thing is mutual understanding. Despite the social status and well-being of the family, everyone should show sincere respect for their loved one. Any action towards your soul mate should be with love and delight. No need to focus on yourself and your feelings, problems. Think about your neighbor and then he will think about you.

Give in. When a guy and a girl start a relationship, they give up their habits and norms of behavior under any circumstances. They sacrifice something for the sake of a common future. You should not insist on your own, because it will never be better and closer except as a spouse or spouse. Do not stick to habits, change them for the good of love.

Mutual feelings. There is nothing more pleasant and tender than a manifestation of love. Affectionate touches, gentle kisses and touches - all this together will allow not to fade away such a great feeling as love. This is one way to prove your addiction and loyalty. Whisper a few gentle words in your ear and see how things change.

Respect for parents. Not the least factor in an ideal relationship is deep respect for the partner's parents. This, as practice has shown, is valued above all else and causes a new wave of sensations. You should never, under any circumstances, speak with indignation about the people who gave life to your soulmate.

Private life secrets. Everything that happens in the family between a man and a woman should not leave the chapels of the family. No one, not even your parents and closest friends, should be aware of your accomplishments and disagreements. Don't embarrass your partner in order to appear cheerful. Everything related to intimacy should not go beyond your bedroom.

Praise and be grateful. Be polite and considerate, and pay due attention to each other. To say thank you, even for a mere trifle, is very important. Any business should be rewarded with affectionate statements and warm expressions. This will create a new bond between the halves.

Ability to forgive. There is no need to keep a grudge and gloat over other people's feelings. You don't need to remember mistakes and misdeeds all your life. Forgiveness is a great power and it will give you true happiness. Any conflicts must be resolved through negotiations, shouts and beatings can only destroy your tandem.

Give gifts. It doesn't matter how much the gift costs, the main manifestation of your attention. A present is a kind of footprint that warms people throughout their lives. A single engraved flower or keychain just can work wonders.

Relations with children. All children should be equally happy. Do not praise one and scold another. Everything should be equal. A woman should not forget about the feelings of her husband, without getting hung up on children, it is worth devoting some time to her beloved man. A man, in turn, must be patient and attentive.

Walking. Walk together without children. Privacy is very important. A vacation away from family problems is an opportunity to re-experience how much you love each other.

Each person knows the tips given above, however, because of the many feelings and ambitions, he, for some reason, does not do it. Compliance with these rules will help create a favorable atmosphere, and exclude a lot of dirty linen and scandals. Constant fatigue and disturbing anxiety, constant melancholy and many problems are the main components of a family that love left long ago. There is no need to talk about such aspects as mutual understanding or mutual assistance. So that this never happens to you, you should always help the closest person in the world.

These are just short guidelines that will help you get on the right path in life and truly live life with a heart overflowing with love. Everyone chooses the real path leading to happiness. It takes very little to make your marriage perfect.

ChangesI amrelationship between spouses.

"Constancy in love is eternal impermanence,

encouraging us to be carried away in turn by all

the qualities of a loved one,

giving preference to one of them, then to the other. "

F. La Rochefoucauld.

Of course, the family is not given as an attachment to great and passionate love, it must be formed. And this needs to be learned. And no matter what family the spouses grew up in, and what their temperament is, it is important to communicate between them now in a new family. In our age of rapid speeds, we are terribly busy and always in a hurry. Television fills all our leisure time, we began to communicate less with each other. Everyone is on his own, busy with his own affairs, his thoughts. And people gather in the evening not to be together, to talk to each other, but in front of the TV to be silent together. So the rust of alienation begins to corrode family relationships. The everyday spoken language is getting poorer. And this inability to communicate with each other leads to the destruction of the family. It should be remembered that lack of communication leads to estrangement of spouses. While communicating, they gradually begin to understand each other better and better. The main elements of the culture of communication are: empathy, tolerance, compliance, benevolence. And in this, the topics of conversation are not so important, but it is important to hear a person and be heard. The culture of communication between husband and wife significantly affects the frequency of disagreements and misunderstandings in the family. One of the main reasons for the aggravation of relations is the inability of spouses to behave constructively in problem situations. In any collisions, put your position above the other. The main quality in communication- this is the ability to recognize the value of another, even if the positions do not coincide. Try to understand and accept what your loved one is telling you. Maybe this is very important to him now. Psychologists reasonably argue that conflicting relationships in the family are usually the result of the elementary selfishness of the spouses, their unwillingness to think about their beloved. Put your interests and whims to the fore. The lack of mutual understanding in the family leads to depression, alienation, to a deterioration in the psychological and physical condition, a significant decrease in a person's working capacity. And as a result, the deterioration of the relationship, distance from the partner. And this also leads to the destruction of the family. And these conflicts also lead to neuropsychiatric disorders, now the spouses cannot restrain themselves, they are rude or cry. And, having uttered many different hard-hitting words, we are forced to follow what was said. But it was said in the heat, and not thought out. This is how they force themselves to do inappropriate actions, which they themselves later regret. I dare to assert that the reasonsand quarrels and quarrels in the family I showtsya:- Disagreements on the basis of an uncoordinated and unfair division of the contribution of one of the spouses to domestic work and self-care. Different understanding of rights and responsibilities. Excessive requirements for another. - Conflicts arising from the fact that the expected does not correspond to reality. This includes the dissatisfaction of sexual needs. Lack of positive emotions, tenderness and participation in marriage. - Elementary disrespect, insults, insults, violation of self-esteem on the part of the other partner. Persecution and distrust of a loved one, pathological jealousy. - Addiction of one of the spouses to alcoholic beverages, gambling, waste of money. Financial disagreements in the family. Destruction of the illusion of material well-being in marriage. - As well as the inability to spend free time, monotonous evenings, empty weekends. Vacation alone. Therefore, rituals and traditions are so important in family life. - There is not enough romantic mood in the family. Loss of courtship by the husband in family life. Loss of feelings of love and flirting between spouses. Destruction of some romantic secret in a relationship. Such letters come to me as a psychologist. " I have been married for twelve years. We have a good daughter who is ten years old. But lately something has been happening to us, we literally cannot live a day without finding out the relationship. I try to give in to my husband as much as possible, but the further, the worse and worse our relationship is. The husband comes late, and I know for sure that he has no one. He just avoids me and my daughter even on weekends, when he walks on the couch all day. I would like to add that my husband is not an alcoholic, but quite often he is addicted to vodka. "

Men would be much bolder
if you knew what women have in mind,
and women would be much more flirtatious,
if they knew men better.

Alphonse Carr

Many complain about the low psychological comfort in the family, when spouses move away from each other. Inevitable conflicts are closed. And this fear of open communication, the fear of destroying the fragile peace in the family becomes the norm of behavior. This, as it were, denies the existence of problems in the family, but this does not diminish them. In order for the conflict to be manageable, it is necessary, first of all, to try to find the real reasons for the disagreement. What individual hopes and desires are sacrificed "fragile world"? After all, the insult that you are not understood and remains a bitter lump in your soul. When two different people got married, they created a conflict situation. Due to their life premarital experience, they have developed different views, their own habits. And an attempt to unite this in one union should run into conflict. And only a reasonable understanding of the present will allow us to look for ways to solve this. Butthis is naturaland important in the formation of a family. These problems are solved if the spouses consider these difficulties not as a consequence of their own failure, or the partner's shortcomings, but as an objective reality. And these lapping in a harmonious union cause not a quarrel, but a dispute. And here it is necessary to distinguish between quarrel and dispute. In a dispute, the parties respect the personality of their opponents. It is necessary to give up passive protection or escape from the conversation. It is advisable to translate your arguments and the evidence of the opponent into a language understandable to both parties, highlighting the main thing for which the dispute flared up. But when the dispute turns to persons, a quarrel begins, where the main task is to break the will of the opponent, to humiliate him as a person. This is a Pyrrhic victory in which you yourself are the loser. Dispute- this is a statement of your arguments in favor of one of the possible positions, and even if there are different emotions in this, the goal is to find a compromise. Of course, the coordination of positions requires volitional efforts, which should restrain the reactions of irritation and discontent. Yes, and it takes time. But it is not "expenses" , it is an investment in the future, it pays for itself. Quarrels, generated by the desire to suppress a partner, inevitably leave a negative mark on the emotional memory of the family. And these are the mines that can undermine your relationship in the future. A marriage in which both partners are open, talk about their experiences, clearly express their wishes, talk about their joys and sorrows, is usually happy. But how often we are subject to stereotypes of our behavior. Instead of telling a loved one what worries, what annoys, it begins: slamming the door, tears, a migraine attack ... The rattling of pots in the wife's kitchen is read by the husband as dissatisfaction that he allegedly stayed at work. And this innuendo makes the partner think out, which causes the conflict. It is important not only to be able to prevent conflicts, but also to effectively resolve them. Avoiding conflict does not remove the problem of contradictions in the family, but only exacerbates it, preserving the painful experiences of the spouses. A conflict, first of all, consists in a clash of oppositely directed goals, interests, positions, and opinions of partners. But you understand that a family cannot develop when it is torn to pieces. It's like in a fable: a swan, a cancer and a pike. By finding a compromise, you can find peace in the family. The reason for increased conflict is often the partner's resentment, and the roots of resentment lie in infantile egocentrism. It's like in childhood a person sees the world only from his own position. And resentment is always a demonstrative reaction. The person counts on provoking pity for himself and forcing the other to fulfill his whim. Conflict can be constructive and destructive. -- Constructive - it is, first of all, a compromise, taking into account the interests of all family members. This strengthens the relationship between the spouses. The level of conflict decreases, the emotional climate in the family improves, fears, anxieties, and tension disappear. - Destructive - it is not always the imposition of a force-based solution to the problem. But also an imaginary reconciliation, in which there is emotional alienation, distancing, a feeling of loneliness, anxiety, hopelessness, which leads to neuroticism and depression. Anger and anger play a destructive role in resolving conflicts, no matter how they manifest. When one partner shows anger, the other feels as hurt and crushed as after being hit. You can give some simple but effective advice. If this does not extinguish the conflict, then at least it will not cause it. These rules are pretty simple, but that doesn't diminish their importance. The main thing is to follow these rules constantly.- Give in to each other, learn to reckon with the interests of your partner. Mutual concessions are the most important condition for a strong family. How, often not yielding in small things, we lose in big things. - Consider the same with the mood of your spouse, manage your behavior. Trouble at work, fatigue or poor health, family circumstances - there are many reasons for a bad mood. Hearing words of support and consolation, your partner will more easily bear the bad state, and it will return a hundredfold to you. - Appreciate each other, praise each other more often. Admiring a partner, we help him meet the best standards, pulling him up to the desired result. Emotional support is needed for each of the spouses, but women put it in the first place, consider this loving husbands. Despite being less emotional than wives, husbands also value taking care of themselves. Remember only good things. -- To tell: "Good morning dear" and "Good night, sweety". Affectionately and tenderly say goodbye, leaving for work. Having met, kissing, thanking for any good deed - all this is so simple and does not require effort. But the absence of this leads to dissatisfaction with each other. - Flirt with each other, and your family life will not be insipid. Especially if you want to keep a happy and strong family. If spouses don't flirt with each other, their relationship becomes boring and monotonous. To prevent married life from becoming stagnant water, smile more often! And look in the eyes longer than usual. At the table, sit closer to each other and stroke your partner's leg with your foot. Give him an affectionate nickname, and your relationship will become more trusting and intimate. Boredom destroys marriage. Any harmonious relationship acquired presupposes dynamic balance. Two previously unknown people are integrated into the family, but how important it is in this process to preserve their individuality, even some autonomy. No matter how different the spouses are, marriages with polar characters are more stable. For example, the tendency to obey in one and the desire for leadership in the other. The personal interests of the spouses in the family union must be coordinated, life plans must be consistent. And it is important to take into account the wishes of the partner, and even if they differ somewhat from your ideas, this is not so important. But nevertheless, if the feeling of responsibility prevails over the spontaneity of the relationship, destroys the aura of romanticism in the views, in such marriages feelings are hidden deeply. Relationships are ordered. Duties are carried out meticulously. But is there really warmth and affection, care and participation in this? And as a result of this, blocking of various feelings from tenderness to resentment, which leads to a state of depression, longing, boredom. And the cure for this is different, and it's not for me to tell you what it leads to. Just look around. In family contact, spouses should recognize their partner every day, reveal him as a secret and be surprised at the new qualities of their beloved. And the statement that we know someone to the end is erroneous and unconstructive. But the volcanic type of relationship does not bring much joy to family relationships. Relationships are changeable, spouses converge, disagree, scandal, so that after a quarrel, ardently confess their love to the grave. In such a family, children experience emotional overload. Since these quarrels are perceived by them as a tragedy that threatens the stability of the children's world. And how many closed families in the world that are psychologically armed against everyone who is not included in their circle. All family members unite for a kind of collective self-restraint. Contacts with friends are reduced, extrafamily values ​​are discredited, and the circle of contacts is limited. The characteristic features of such a family are petty custody, tight control, excessive protection from real and perceived dangers. In such families, there is often a strong dominance of the father or mother. Life is regulated, the atmosphere inside the family is devoid of warmth, immediacy, intimacy. A child in such a family finds himself in a situation of internal conflict, when his own experience and the needs of society do not meet the requirements of the parents. This often happens in religious families, subject to the dogmas and rituals of religion. There are families in which everything is on display, emotions are stormy, but not deep. The lifestyle is demonstrative, the life plans and goals of the spouses are mismatched. One of the spouses, as a rule, requires constant attention, admiration and recognition. Love for the child for show, but the requirements, often contradicting each other. The world of a family for a child leapfrog from familiar and unfamiliar faces. The absence of genuine intimacy, the demonstration of imaginary merits, forms egocentrism in the child. And in some so-called prosperous families, only love and care for the child unites the spouses. They transfer unrealized feelings in conjugal contact to the child. Everything, moving further away from each other. The child becomes the center of the family, an object of increased attention. Parents are unconsciously afraid of such a child growing up. And as a result, he grows up passive, dependent. Perceiving the world as a cruel reality, experiencing a sense of emotional dependence on parents. And when faced with the environment, it requires increased attention. Any family faces problem situations in the process of life. Each family is individual according to its own life scenario. And yet it is possible to notice and determine a certain periodicity, a pattern in the emergence of conflicts. These periods of warm emotional relationship can be replaced by periods of cooling, indifference and even negative attitude towards each other. Having discovered this, do not be alarmed - this is an objective phenomenon that accompanies people through life. And this fluctuation depends on a person's temperament, on the characteristics of his nervous system, and to some extent is stable for each person. At the same time, the environment, the general psychological atmosphere in the family, and even the state of health, of course, have an impact on the nature of a person's emotional relationship to a person and on the degree of stability, on the frequency of this change. The first such phenomenon can be observed in the second year of the life of the spouses, especially those who have not begun to build their own life scenario, different from the parent. During this period, there is a struggle for leadership in the family, the destruction of illusions and the formation of marital roles. A low level of material well-being, cramped living conditions are often an insurmountable challenge. The biggest mistake for this period is the low level of mutual assistance and mutual support in solving household and household problems of the family. Therefore, at this time it is so important to make long-term plans, to look together into the distant and joyful future. And even if there are many things you may not be able to realize, it will only expand your horizons. Skeptic. Why not mention the routinization of married life that occurs at the stage of mature marriage? There is no longer enough romantic relationships, it seems that love is gone forever. And was she? And maybe we were wrong? Objectively based sexual rejection is perceived as a personal insult. And it raises suspicions of treason. Self-doubt is experienced as excruciating doubts about one's sexuality and personal significance to a partner. The duration of the marital relationship comes with a touch of everyday life - the period "romantic" love has already passed. But there is an object on the side, and even if there is no love, but there is an increase in his authority in the eyes of his counterpart. And what happens to the family? Psychologist. Somewhere on 7-12 yearsfamily life a woman and a man reach the height of sexual and spiritual maturity, and they begin to be oppressed by the monotonous way of life. The family has established a monotonous rhythm, a boring style of existence. Quite often, it is during this period that connections on the side, betrayal appear. And in this, the culprit must be sought not outside the family, but inside. To do this, the couple needs to move away from the established patterns of behavior. Introduce new rituals to the family for monotonous evenings and weekends. Try to break out of the walls of the house, spend this time together. After all, interest in sexual love in the family during such a period should increase. And this can be helped by a variety of places for leisure and intimate meetings. Partners just need to understand that hobby and passion on the side will plunge them into the same vicious circle of monotony. Indeed, even in the new combination, interest and attraction are not even more durable. In any case, they will have to rebuild relationships, again get used to the character and habits of the other person. And soon everything will return to its original positions, the passion will go away, the novelty will dull. And this second wave of conflicts inevitably arising will be burdened by the problems of the first marriage. Yes, and nostalgia will torment, and more and more impetuously. Family is a constant work of the soul and self-improvement! The wife continues to sit in the kitchen and remember ... - How long has it been ???- Already fifteen years have passed ... - Tomorrow, my husband will certainly congratulate, give flowers. On Saturday, perhaps, there will be friends ... - But for some reason we have become extremely polite with each other, and from this I have a feeling of heaviness, tension and sadness ... - We live as if by duty with each other, ... and sex has not been for several months ... - To live under one roof and not see each other all day? At this time, the husband is at the computer ...- Well, I remembered! What's the hunting trip now? - On Wednesday, already fifteen years of our marriage ... - And I remember that all this time I owed something ... - I understand that the family is a responsibility, but Olga and her mother-in-law were all trying to remake me in their own way .... And not that, and not so I do it, you will not please them ... And so, how many reproaches and suspicions about delays at work ... - And surprisingly, everything was in vain ... I was clean. ... Yes it was !!! - I will definitely borrow money, our "term" should be noted ... Psychologist. The happiness of the past years is not determined by the amount of peace and well-being in the family. After all, conflicts and problems are so inevitable in our life, and it is important where the ways of overcoming these difficulties lead. Of course, the period of romantic love is over, and the time comes to sum up some results and correct family relationships. As a couple assessing their accomplishments in life, they may begin to realize that their previous career dreams are unrealistic and that the relationship is not what they expected. Why does a family often become a grave for Love? Why is this happening? During this first decade, as a result of close relationships, a habit of strictly evaluating a partner develops, as a result, the sensitivity to positive reinforcements, words of approval, decreases. Partners become extremely susceptible to negative words. And now it turns out that it is easy for a loved one to express a negative assessment and it is difficult to express a positive one. We try to hide our shortcomings from prying eyes, and we attack our close dear people with ridicule and irritation. Instead of seeing the good in the actions of the other and elevating each other in their perceptions and in their assessments. We swear, we are indignant, we do not make any efforts to restrain ourselves. We are trying to remake a partner, to prove something or force him to act according to our ideas. Paradoxically, close people are looking for, expecting and even wanting to find the worst in the behavior of another with only one purpose to prove their innocence, their moral, mental or worldly superiority. And every day gives rise to exceptional reasons for quarrels and claims, for mutual reproaches and grievances that arise all the time from scratch. And we try to put all the blame on the partner. And then it seems that the choice was not made correctly. The presence of the other begins to provoke a quiet irritation, and his guilt quickly grows in our eyes. And there is no way to adapt your real relationship to your own spiritual ideas about the family. In such families, it is not a husband and wife who act, but two persons with a heightened sense of their own dignity, with exaggerated self-importance, painful pride. And now the partner turns from a hero into a guilty one. All bad deeds are attributed to him, all his words seem to be false. He himself looks like a loser who also ruined your life. Physical intimacy becomes impossible, memories of it are negatively colored. And everything goes to divorce. But suddenly it calms down, everything seems to freeze, does not develop. Inaction sets in, and it is impossible to continue living like this, but there is no strength to break off the relationship. And the way out of this crisis is to assign a special role to the joint experience of joy and worries in the family. And this is real when both sides are open to influences, willingly go to meet the requests and desires of a loved one, without demanding to become like "I want". And if there is no courage and patience, then the moment comes when there is less and less positive in the relationship of family partners. And the negative develops into coldness and indifference. Moreover, there are more positive steps towards strangers than towards members of their own family. And then what? Divorce? ButI can reassure you - this is not the end! Advise: - Add variety and positive surprises to your family life. - Actively organize a productive and interesting family vacation and leisure time. - Give your partner an opportunity to improve, provide personal freedom and some kind of autonomy. - Regularly show signs of attention to each other, without violating the psychological space of the partner. - Become an interesting partner, discover new sides of your abilities and hobbies. For each spouse in life together, a minimum level of satisfaction must be achieved. It is not uncommon for spouses to forget that family activities require a fair and tactful assessment. Indeed, in many areas, only the husband from the wife and the wife from the husband can receive recognition and confirmation of their claims. How necessary it is in this bustle of life to be able to stop and say words of gratitude to each other. "How well you cooked dinner. How beautiful you look." "What a fine fellow you are for dragging us out into nature. How quickly you kindled a fire." It seems that everything is trite, but the emotional state of you personally and your partner depends on little. A psychologically mature person can control his emotional mood, and for this you need to study yourself and your partner. And the price of these efforts is predetermined by mutual understanding in the family, its well-being and longevity. If all people were the same, understanding the other would be superfluous. If they had nothing to do with each other, understanding would not be possible. If they do not want to have anything in common, then understanding is not needed. When misunderstanding comes, it’s like an avalanche, it can take you to the point of alienation, if you don’t intervene. At this stage, it is necessary to increase the attention of the spouses to each other, but reduce the intensity of communication. It is precisely to reduce the intensity of communication. And the poet was wrong: "Do not part with your loved ones ..." Constant presence in front of each other, reducing the distance to a minimum, flaunting each other in an untidy manner, vulgarity, the illusion of endless closeness from day to day for many years - this is not good for the family. And the danger in this is that the psychological "hunger" by person. The fear of losing a loved one is the fierce enemy of love. This fear only gives rise to phantoms of distrust, causes unbridled jealousy. And stupidity after stupidity is accomplished, which only repels the beloved. Small breakups, some autonomy, only fuel feelings. Remember how yourLjubilee! After passionate meetings, separation only increased the desire and desire to see a loved one!

Young lover, kiss your girlfriend!

Consider happiness that which attracts you to each other.

If you have a moment together, catch this moment,

Fate is a cursed circle, days rush in a circle.

Z. Babur.

Young spouses carefully look at and listen to each other, are sensitive and receptive to the new language of communication, the style of life in general. And we have already talked about this. In a mature family, it is obliged to develop a certain family structure, to avoid conflicts over the distribution of functions. Problems of communication with relatives must be resolved, material and economic problems must be settled - and all this passes through a dialogue of independent people. And from this, two people become closer to each other. In this process, a person begins to see his own world differently. Voluntarily or involuntarily, there are changes in his habits, character. And at the same time, a previously unfamiliar, unexpected feeling is born - "We". This task can only be solved together. Forming a common approach, finding their own language of communication for spouses, it is important not to lose themselves, but to multiply by union. And the irrationality of thinking of young and not very young spouses hinders the establishment of harmonious family relations. People act according to the prescriptions that they themselves make up, or spied on from their parents. However, if a person's expectations are not realistic, then he himself sets the stage for his failure. They are haunted by myths and prejudices: -- The myth of eternal love and its magical power. -- The myth about the evil fate and ill will of someone else. -- The myth of the need to sacrifice for each other. -- The myth that spouses are one soul and the constancy of marital happiness. And this overload of myths about what the family should be, instead of what it is, hinders the development of the family. It is precisely during this period of mature marriage that it is necessary to find a replacement for mythological thinking. Relying on sober calculation and understanding of the way out of crises that, one way or another, arise in the process of family life, and contributes to the preservation of the family. Since the needs of men and women are so different, it is not surprising that people find it difficult to adjust to married life. People themselves create indestructible family happiness or act as the authors of created misfortune. It seems to me that marital quarrels and family conflicts are generated by resentment and an inability to forgive each other. Here is not the best side of human nature - pride, intransigence, quarrelsomeness, exaggerated conceit. Forgiveness in terms of the power of impact is immeasurably higher than any punishment, and this needs to be learned. If you want to be loved - love yourself. If you want to be treated well, treat yourself well. And finally stop criticizing! Skeptic. Dear psychologist, it turns out that we are not getting out of crises? This is how we live from crisis to crisis. Crises cover our entire life: adolescence crisis, crisis of adulthood, senile crisis, even crisis of childbirth. So you kind of wrote above? And no one thinks that life is a pleasure walk or a calm "swamp" of happiness. But parapsychologists argue that there are certain cycles in the development of the family: three years, seven years and more. And that during these periods, no matter how hard you try, this is your destiny. You pass and everything is fine until next time, but no, then, alas ... So is there really some fatality in this and nothing can be done about it? Psychologist. The identification of these stages is associated with the statistics of family crises. And no matter what year of the family's life is indicated, all this is associated with a change in the functions of the family and the corresponding changes in its structure. Family development is the stages: honeymoon, childbirth, raising children, separating children from parents, retirement ... But, apparently, in the relationship of spouses, there is a certain periodicity associated specifically with how many years have been lived. Increase-decrease in distance, change in the emotional coloring of relations, the dominance of one or the other. And I would not determine the specific dates and years of these periods, everything is so individual and depends on the nature and temperament of the partners, his upbringing. Differences in their life experiences before meeting and deciding to live together. And events outside or within the family can accelerate or postpone problems. And with doomed fatality, one should not wait for the outcome of these crises. The existence of insidious rhythms, which again and again can return to mutual misunderstanding, alienation and quarrels, does not mean that the search for ways to improve relations - Sisyphean labor ... And now it already seems that hopes for cheerful peace and the joy of understanding a spouse at a glance are vain. More precisely, not from a half-word, but from a half-gaze, using non-verbal language of communication. The spoken words correspond to facial expressions, posture and intonations, and they should be positive and convey feelings of love and security. Relationships are open, free and honest, people do not feel humiliation of their self-esteem. This will reduce the accumulated irritation. There is no positive solution to this crisis in ingratiation, accusation, calculation and vanity. It all depends on whether in the process of developing relations it was possible to cope with the elements of destructive forces and, as a result, to become only closer to each other. Many events need to be experienced together, until their intertwining arises from the intersection of personal life scenarios, until life with another person becomes common. After all, the constant life next to another person inevitably leads to the accumulation of disagreements, outbursts of irritation and conflicts. All couples run into trouble as their marriage develops. Everyone is sometimes hurt, and sometimes people are disappointed and do not understand each other. It seems that love cools down, fades away, disappears, or they forget about it, no longer believe in its revival. Without this, the happiness of family life and the feeling of satisfaction with marriage disappear. But often spouses express relative satisfaction with family life: "We live normally" "Not worse than other people." But true dissatisfaction comes out indirectly. Monotony, boredom, colorlessness of life - all these are the first symptoms. Then there is dissatisfaction, complaints about secondary, private events. Emotional explosions, quarrels, conflicts, alienation begin. And as a result of the breakdown of the family, not necessarily legally. Spouses can live under the same roof, sort of communicate with each other, but be very distant. This is what we see on the example of the reflections of the spouses given in this book. And by the fifteenth anniversary of their life together, the problems of raising children, experiencing difficult and joyful events with them should add up:- The similarity of family values, the unity of views on many (but not all) life conflicts. - Warm common memories of the story of their relationships and love. Have common hopes and plans. - Striving in difficult times for emotional unity and cohesion. To be able to live in the present. - And while preserving your own individuality, there should be no polar views on the general issues of raising children and housekeeping. - The roles and functions of each member have already been scheduled and established. And this leads to mutual understanding and consistency in actions. The expediency of the actions of each family member. And it allows you to avoid conflict between the role and personality of a person. - Emotional satisfaction between spouses has already been achieved, which allows you to warm your spouse, create an atmosphere of trust, ease, and cordiality. - There is an intuitive sense of awareness of the partner's intimate and sexual needs. - And by this period, a common culture of communication and leisure activities should have been developed in the family. Creation of a family subculture. This emotional satisfaction in the family is the most important source of psychological relaxation and support for all family members. And then the partners will strive for each other, finding relaxation in this after a hard day. Getting the comfort of the emotional background of the relationship. Constant attraction to new family goals, and not to arrange the process of living out of the family for the sake of children. And the implementation of long-term plans will not only bring pleasure, but also form a unifying role.After all, by this period, the family's identity had already been created with its traditions, way of life, common beliefs, the experience of anxieties and problems experienced, and the awareness of oneself as a person in the family structure. And acquired identity, emergence "We", allows you to maintain control over conflicts and support the family's ability to change and further development. The likelihood of maintaining an emotional atmosphere in the family and the successful development of marriage increases if: - Spouses really look at the contradictions, know the value of little things. - Do not avoid difficulties and do not fall into despair. - They learn the psychology of a partner and do not create illusions about this. Respect the individuality of the partner. - Acquire tolerance, are able to control their behavior and speech. - Strive for a unified approach to the upbringing of children. - Satisfy the partner's need for affection, tenderness, care and attention. - Keeping their own dignity, they learn to respect and show the importance of a partner. At this time, the husband and wife reach the middle years of their life cycle. This is often one of the best times in life. The husband can enjoy success in his work, and the wife can share the success they have achieved together. In addition, as the children make fewer demands, the wife becomes freer to develop her talents and pursue her own career. The problems previously faced by the family were resolved over time, and both spouses' approach to life softened. This is a period when marital relations deepen and widen, and when stable relationships have been established with relatives and with a circle of friends. The difficulties of raising young children have already been overcome, and have been replaced by the joy of both spouses at the sight of how children grow and develop in an amazing way. A cry of despair in my mail. Good day! Dear Yuri Nikolaevich, I have such a problem. My husband is currently experiencing an age crisis - he is 40 years old. He does, God knows what. The family for him has now simply lost both meaning and interest - all of us (me and the children) just annoy him. And he behaves wildly, in my opinion. All last year, he met at least once a week with boys 20-22 years old, they arranged "bachelor parties" - they blew beer. Previously, my husband practically did not drink, but now he can get drunk. I can't say that I began to drink often, but if he drinks, then a lot. He puts forward theories, such as the fact that life was lived in vain, we ruined it for him, and therefore he must start all over again. He says that he has nothing to remember - he just literally does not remember how we lived - NOTHING. Doesn't remember anything related to children. Children annoy him - especially his son (he is of a transitional age). That is, he despises his son and, according to him, it is unpleasant for him to communicate with him. I got a girl - a mistress. At first I wanted to go to her, but now, it seems, I have already established myself in the idea that he is a loner and he does not need anyone. In general, he behaves selfishly, rather aggressively (well, they say, we are an empty place for him, etc.), constantly emphasizes his contemptuous attitude towards us. This is some kind of nightmare! Considering that all his life he was just a very calm, quiet and modest person. And how self-satisfied he became - to the point of stupidity. I understand that he is of age, etc. But how long does it take - how much should we endure or not at all? Sometimes his actions remind me of the behavior of my son (he is 16) - just some kind of "kindergarten". And it’s constant that he doesn’t owe anything to anyone - it’s so hard. I try to endure, but I already have no strength. Very tired. The children moved away from him, and the son almost hated him.
How to be? How long does this period last for men? Psychologist. The most difficult and long-lasting crisis in a man's life - "midlife crisis!" It occurs in the period 39-42 years and lasts up to 50-52 years. At this time, most men begin to feel a decrease in vital energy, gradually an expression of confidence disappears from their faces. The body ages, a bald spot appears, the shine disappears in the eyes. The financial problems of the family require increased costs. And most men have no choice, to change jobs in order to get more. And digging in oneself, dissatisfaction with the life lived brings devastation to family life. Such a man may become angry, depressed, or aggressive. He even begins to resent the fact that everyone needs him: his wife, children. Thoughts appear, they require only one money and help from him. And the man begins to embrace the desire to get rid of all this. And now he is already beginning to blame fate for all his misfortunes, getting into a pose of anger. A man runs because he is tired, that annoys him, and that he does not like. It can be anything: everyday quarrels about what time he comes home from work, nightly serials and the coldness of a woman who is addicted to TV. Convenient dinners, clutter at home, which has long been the rule rather than the exception, and so on.
So what solutions are our valiant men looking for:- They hit alcohol, which at first really brings relief from difficult experiences. They fade into the background. - Successful men "headlong" go to work, striving to truly climb the career ladder as high as possible and earn more. - Some walk away from everyone, trying to shield themselves from physical, emotional and spiritual problems. They leave for the dacha, try to be with their family as little as possible. - For those who do not want to put up with the withering of physical strength, they try to shake themselves up. And they choose such a trivial way as a series of love affairs with young women. But who said that this crisis should destroy family relationships? Why in these years do you need to worsen your life and the lives of loved ones? After all, the crisis can be experienced constructively and calmly! So what do you do?- The first and most important thing is to accept your age for a man. And find your positive sides in it. - Assess what has been gained over the years: experience, family, respect. - Urgently take care of your physical condition. After all, this crisis is most difficult for men who do not take care of themselves: they are overweight, with severe shortness of breath. - It is necessary to organize your life so as to receive joy and pleasure. You can do something that previously did not have enough time or hands. - And, of course, a physical and emotional shake-up. Yes, not by the methods I listed, but by decisive changes in behavior: repair or relocation, construction of a country house. Well, the purchase of a car, which has been dreamed of for so long, is just a hobby, which is called a hobby. But relatives, and first of all the wife, should help in the implementation of constructive plans. Indeed, this is its direct benefit. To help my husband and to save the family, just understand, it is not so easy for him. Often a husband reaches a point in his career at this time when he realizes that he cannot fulfill the ambitious hopes of his youth. His disappointment can affect the whole family and, in particular, his status in the eyes of his wife. Or, conversely, the husband is luckier than he expected, and although he is highly respected outside the home, the wife continues to treat him the same way she did when he was less important. And this irritates him, turning into conflicts. One of the inevitable human problems is the fact that a man who has reached middle age and achieved status and respect becomes more attractive to young women. While his wife, more dependent on her appearance, feels less attractive to men. But the middle-aged crisis is not only "privilege" men. The woman is also experiencing a transitional period, which is accompanied by depression. At this time, the woman puts on a cross, as she was crushed by endless worries about her husband, children, elderly parents. Taking care of the house, the woman does not have time for herself. And here we have before us a forty-year-old woman, heavy, casually dressed, with an indifferently tired look. This is how she lived her life: "I must", but not "I want". In addition, the crisis is associated with climacteric phenomena and the feeling of their own wilting. This period has a very painful effect on their health. A woman, experiencing menopause, often experiences constant irritability, jealousy, tearfulness, suffers from a lack of self-control and self-discipline. The spouse must understand that such a state of the wife is a natural phenomenon, that one must protect her from emotional overload, be attentive, kind and be able to control oneself with an incomprehensible irritability, capriciousness of the wife. In turn, the wife must restrain herself, control her behavior, be attentive and delicate towards her husband in order to avoid unnecessary confrontations. In modern Russia, women's problems are aggravated by the fact that it is necessary to bear not only the burden of household chores, but also to earn money. Of course, the need to earn money exacerbates the crisis in women. But even if this is not necessary, if a woman stays at home, then she is faced with the phenomenon of home depression. A middle-aged woman who is losing her attractiveness is even more afraid of losing her rich husband. And for a woman, it is also necessary to adhere to some rules:- She, like a man, needs to calmly and with dignity accept her age. Do not complain and do not have complexes. Don't feel like a victim. - Age is how we feel. Dear women, do not slouch under the weight of worries, keep an elastic gait. Difficult, but maintain a radiant look, wear fashionable clothes that highlight your dignity. - Do not forget about your interests and desires. After all, if the most is good, then loved ones are also happy. A good mood and positive attitude will create a positive atmosphere in the family. - Of course, you will not refuse age, and therefore take this into account. Try not to be too busy. Get enough sleep, engage in a wellness program. Go to the pool, cinema, theaters, with your girlfriends in a cafe.

Ideal family relationships, perhaps, do not exist.

And the relationship between spouses is formed, first of all, on the basis of the family in which they grew up, practically repeating in their own family the model of behavior that was inherent in the family of parents.

Of no small importance in family life are the social status of both spouses, family income or income of each of the spouses, as well as the interest of the husband and wife in maintaining long-term relationships, maintaining a long family life.

Today we will discuss what the relationship between husband and wife should be, how to achieve a strong family hearth, and as a result - happiness in family life.

What is she, an ideal married couple ?!

An absolute idyll in relationships, a complete absence of conflicts, both on household grounds and in money matters, and in matters of raising children and relations with parents.

The husband is a breadwinner in the family, earns enough to support the whole family, the wife is smart and beautiful, always a great looking housewife, the children are excellent students at school, always clean and tidy, polite and helpful ...

Well, just the perfect married couple.

For some reason, such a description of an ideal family is more like a picture in a glossy magazine. And it is not at all compatible with real life.

I repeat once again - there are no ideal families.

In every family, sooner or later, different kinds of conflicts arise. And it does not matter how many years you have lived together, at least one year, at least ten or twenty years, but even after forty years of marriage, spouses may have conflicts and misunderstandings.

Conflicts can arise for any reason, and because of the accumulated family money spent on other purposes, and because of the unwashed dishes, and because of the upbringing of children, and even because the wife's parents "got into" the affairs of the young families.

Even if you argue with each other, this does not mean at all that you are a bad family and not a perfect couple. By the way, sometimes it is very useful to swear.

The Basis for Good Relationship Between Husband and Wife

There is simply no single rule or criterion for the correct relationship between spouses.

Each family develops its own approaches and rules of relations, which depend on many external factors. Such as the religiosity of the family, the foundations of the family that were inherent in the parents of the spouses, housing conditions, the financial security of the family, and even the region in which the spouses live. All this, to one degree or another, affects the emerging relationship between husband and wife.

Nevertheless, analyzing the relationship between parents, the relationship between spouses - neighbors or friends, it is quite possible to determine what the relationship between husband and wife is, as well as what they should be in the ideal version for each family.

Let's try to formulate several rules of the most acceptable and best for any family, relationships, which every married couple planning to live long happy years should strive for.

Basic Rules for the Best Relationship Between Husband and Wife

Perhaps there are few such rules, but their observance, or at least an attempt to comply with them, will save your family to a ripe old age.

1. Respectful relationship between husband and wife

Try to respect and take into account the opinion of your soul mate, regardless of what topic it concerns. Each person can have their own opinion on a particular circumstance or situation.

And even if you are terribly angry trying to defend your opinion and your innocence, respect your spouse. Don't scream, let alone insult your spouse. Offensive and derogatory words and actions can never be considered respectful.

2. Gratitude and attention at any age

It doesn't matter how old you are or how long you have been married.

Thank your spouse for any action he has taken for and for the family. Even if your husband did the dishes, thank him for it! And rest assured, next time he will do it with great pleasure. Especially if you constantly and sincerely thank him for it.

Say thank you to your wife every time she pulls out your ironed shirt. Yes, ironing your things is her conjugal duty. But why not say “Thank you!” For that? There is nothing difficult in words of gratitude. And the more you thank your husband or your wife for seemingly ordinary affairs, the more sympathy and positive feelings you will feel in return.

At first glance, saying "thank you" is such a small thing. But it is from the little things that strong families and long-term family relationships are created.

3. Concessions, concessions and more concessions

Sometimes, yielding in small things, we win in big issues. Why not give in to your spouse today and choose the way of spending the evening exactly the way your spouse wants to spend it? But the next time you want to go to football, she will take this desire much more calmly, or even decide to go with you.

Family concessions are not weaknesses. A person who is inferior to his half looks by no means weak, but stronger and noble.

And yes, the concessions must be mutual, otherwise such relationships in the family can be called a "one-sided game."

4. Show courtesies

While you were a young married couple, or even at the stage of the "candy-bouquet period", you were not shy about showing your feelings. They were not ashamed of kisses and hugs, did not hesitate to walk and sit in an embrace. So why, some time after starting a family, you are less likely to show each other signs of attention.

Any intimacy, even simple touching, stroking, or light kisses, is very important for family relationships. And the more the spouses have such closeness, such signs of attention, the stronger and more reliable the marriage becomes.

Over the years, simple touching becomes much more important for spouses than intimacy. If you are not used to showing signs of attention in your younger years, it will be more difficult for you to maintain a good relationship and close contact with your spouse as you get older.

5. Respect for other family members

As the saying goes, parents are not chosen. And no matter how much you like the parents of your significant other, you need to reckon with them and at least respect them.

Who, if not your parents, will help your family in difficult times? Who if not parents will help in raising children? Of course, there are exceptions in the relationship between a young married couple and the older generation - there are conflicts, misunderstandings, or rejection.

But no matter what, the parents of your spouse or your spouse must be respected and treated with respect. Especially if your spouse or your spouse loves and respects them very much. On our site you will find a lot of useful advice on raising children, relationships in a young family, advice on how to act if you doubt your future chosen one, as well as a lot of useful information on household issues and family budget management.

6. Do not spread family secrets

Not all people you come across in life wish you well. Unfortunately, evil people and gossips can be found almost at every turn.

Even the girlfriend you grew up with can turn out to be an angry gossip jealous of your happiness or your spouse's success. Or a friend you spent all your teenage years with may be a competitor applying for your job.

You should not let strangers into your family secrets, no matter how friendly they seem to you. Otherwise, the information received from you can be disseminated in such an inverted and distorted form that it can ruin relationships with other people, harm a career, or even lead to illness.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of cases when the family could not realize the plans that they told their friends about.

If you want everything to work out for you, and do not want to become the object of gossip or ridicule, do not tell your friends about your family secrets. This is especially true of personal and intimate relationships between spouses. In these matters, even close relatives must close the road.

7. Common interests

Unfortunately, marriages based only on intimate relationships or related to the birth of a child are short-lived.

Until the spouses have common interests that bring them closer together, primarily emotionally, a strong family will not work.

Yes, of course, there are families that exist for the sake of children. At the same time, as soon as the children grow up and fly out of the parental nest, the spouses do not have common topics for communication, common interests. And love, which seems to have been in previous years, has disappeared somewhere, leaving behind a bitter residue of the same type of gray family everyday life.

Whatever this happens, it is necessary to look for points of contact other than intimate relationships. It doesn't matter what it will be. This can be joint trips, active tourism, a joint hobby that will captivate and bring you both together for many years.

It is common interests that provide constant topics of conversation, and maintain interest in each other. It is the common interests that bring the married couple closer for many years, and even forever.

8. Forgiving each other's petty grievances

The person is not perfect. He knows how to offend, he knows how to be angry and cruel. He sees the shortcomings of his half, especially during a quarrel, and especially after several years of living together, having learned almost everything about his half. A person can say nasty things or make them unpleasant to their marriage partner.

But a person also knows how to forgive. Try to be more patient, try to forgive each other for minor insults and mistakes made in the relationship. After all, you didn’t create a family for the sake of destroying it, and ruining your family relationship.

9. Raising children

The topic of parenting is perhaps the most difficult for spouses at all times. The likelihood of family conflicts due to children increases significantly. This is especially true for spouses who grew up in families that are socially different (wealthy or not so), differ in religious terms (for example, the approaches to raising children in Christian families differ from Muslim ones), or who grew up in families where one of the parents dominates.

In order to prevent conflicts in the family due to the upbringing of children, you will have to learn to negotiate. Agree on almost everything, from the frequency of "pampering" and the limits of admissibility of children's misconduct, to the severity and methods of punishment.

In any case, the more often you spend time with the whole family, with your children, the stronger your marriage will be.

Moreover, the more participation each of you will devote to raising children, and relationships with children, the more likely the same attitude towards you many years later, when your children grow up and you become elderly people.

10. Attitude towards money

Not only household issues, but also a lack of money, including improper management of the family budget, can destroy a young family.

Marriages also break up due to a lack of money, both for food and other needs. Marriages also break up due to the unnecessary waste of money by one of the young spouses. Unfortunately, many young girls, having married, believe that the husband should support them, paying for all the "wishes" and wishes, not considering it necessary to work independently. When children are born, yes, a young mother is simply not able to work, devoting all her strength to caring for her child and her husband.

But, while the family is still young, not burdened with children, it will be better for a young wife to get an education and work, primarily for her independence, both today and in the future.

The same goes for young people who are married. If you have already started a family, try to do everything you can to make the family prosperous and financially successful. But even the fact that you are employed does not give you the right to dominate the distribution of money. Especially after you have children.

Before starting a family, or at least in the first weeks of living together, you need to agree and accept your own rules for managing the family budget. Rules that include the distribution and spending of money, from paying utility bills and buying groceries and essentials, to using money for clothing, or hobbies or entertainment.

Humanity has recently stepped into the third millennium. But throughout its history and stages of development, no topic has been discussed as often as the relationship between a man and a woman. Love was praised in poetry and songs, it inspired people to create masterpieces and courageous deeds. But she has always been the cause of suffering and sadness. The relationship between spouses is a topic that will never lose its relevance and will be discussed forever. We will also touch this eternity, and at the same time we will try to figure out how to make the union of two people harmonious and correct.

Psychology of relations between husband and wife

As the practice of most psychologists shows, despite the individuality of each couple, the problems related to the relationship of spouses to each other are repeated from generation to generation. It all starts with the fact that each spouse is an independent and mature person with their own views on life, traditions of their families and habits. A smooth and perfect union of two different people cannot be a priori. However, the psychology of relations between spouses also implies working on mistakes, finding compromises, respecting and trusting each other, which is often forgotten by most couples due to selfishness and inexperience. As a result, problems arise that psychologists call typical for most young families:

• lack of mutual understanding;
• incompatibility of characters, habits and actions;
• disagreements on those issues that require a unanimous opinion.

Personal relationships of spouses often cross the border of confidentiality, and this fact is also not good enough. The main mistake most couples make is allowing their parents, other relatives and friends to interfere in their lives. No one is able to solve the problems of spouses except themselves. Except, perhaps, for a family psychologist. However, experts also note that those couples who come for consultations with certain problems usually either do not understand the essence of these problems, or underestimate their importance and do not believe that they can be solved. However, if you look at it, then even in such an individual and unique unit of society as a separate family, you can develop harmony and avoid disintegration.

What should be the personal relationship between spouses?

There must be an ideal in any relationship. A kind of norm or set of rules, by living by which most disagreements can be avoided. However, this ideal has nothing to do with the expectations that spouses draw in their heads. Another major mistake of any couple is the misunderstanding that the partner is not at all what it seems to be in the mind. So, here are some valuable tips that might help you avoid conflict or even divorce:

The relationship between a husband and wife can develop in different ways. But each of the spouses must remember the truths that will always remain unchanged and will help preserve the marriage. They are about support, respect, listening skills and willingness to help in difficult times. If at least half of modern couples forget about their own benefit and selfishness, then the number of divorces will noticeably decrease.

In order not to get into a similar situation, show tact and wisdom.

It doesn't matter for what reason your marriage broke up: due to differences in worldview, bad habits, material disagreements, betrayal or lack of real feelings. If both parties wish, it is possible to build civilized relations between the former spouses.

1. If there are common children

So that your son or daughter can see both parents and not become witnesses to quarrels and clarifications of the circumstances leading to the divorce, try to communicate calmly. When ex-spouses have many mutual friends or are united by business, it will be difficult for them not to meet at all. Therefore, you have to work on the relationship.

Divorce is a serious challenge. How to get over it? Watching the video!

2. When the marriage finally fell apart

Refrain from mistakes that ex-wives and husbands make. Stop flattering yourself with the hope of rebuilding the relationship. If your ex-spouse announced a breakup, find the strength to take it for granted.

3. If you want to take revenge

Going to the other extreme is also not worth it. Don't discount that you've been close with this person for a while. Everyone has the right to make mistakes, so be generous. It will benefit you yourself. You should not poison your life with thoughts of retaliation and waste time and effort nurturing insidious plans.

4. When there is nothing to fill the void with

It is important to understand yourself, to understand that the past cannot be returned. Accept your new status and let the person go. This means that you should try to forgive all the insults and quarrels that were between you. Start building your relationship from scratch.

5. When you have to see each other

When meeting with an ex-spouse or spouse, it is worth choosing the right tactics of behavior. Try to be friendly but fairly neutral. The less emotion you express in the early days after a breakup, the better. It takes time for both of you to get used to your new roles and adapt to a different level of relationship.

6. If it's hard to let go

Do not turn against the ex-husband or ex-wife of your mutual acquaintances. Your friends don't have to pay for a failed marriage and choose which one of you to talk to. Do not wash dirty linen in public, this is petty. Be calm, this is the best tactic in your situation. Live your own life. You should not specifically follow how life develops after a divorce from your ex or ex. Distracted by such moments, you limit your right to find new, real happiness. Also, do not do something in spite of trying to cause jealousy or envy on the part of a former loved one.

7. If it's hard to rebuild

Agree on which days you will see your child. Having a specific schedule will make your life so much easier. If your son or daughter will be living separately from you, discuss the possibility of spending holidays or vacations with you. When it is possible to separate spheres of influence in a common business, it will ease your breakup. Be ready to compromise, refrain from scandals, listen to each other.

8. When others are involved

No more than you, even if at times it seems to you the opposite. Therefore, it will be superfluous to quarrel with them and spoil the relationship. Show respect for the older generation and keep neutrality. Remember, you don't have to be friends with your ex. It's already difficult to make your relationship truly sincere. Not everyone succeeds. Therefore, do not strive for such a position, focus on your own life.